Tebow is Not Jesus, Georgia needs Jews

Ah yes, another Saturday of college football. Atleast this time I was in the swamp and not at Garbage Toilet Melrose!

1. I'm sure ESPN is kicking themselves for not showing the Georgia-Colorado game on ESPN instead of World Series Poker or Scrabble, or Paper Rock Scissors, or whatever non outdoor, sweat causing, gym membership requiring, athletic ability needing, magic the gathering loving sport they had on during the day. Georgia clearly needed any Jewish players they had on scholarship on Saturday.

If it wasn't the Jews then I have another hypothesis. Maybe Mark Richt let some poor dying kid call the plays for the first 3 quarters in accordance with Make A Wish Foundation, or to complete his court ordered community service hours. The minute Georgia started playing like a good team the Colorado defense looked like they had all switched positions get a complete body workout no Total Gym could match. It was like when you don't pick a defesnive play in Madden or NCAA and the computer picks the play for you. What's that 5 Receivers Wide? Lets load the middle with linebackers. No the fat ones, not the fast defensive back looking guy, the big slow, never covered someone not in a wheel chair in his life guy.

I was torn on that game. While any Florida fan can finish the question "What's the Good Word?" **(answer at the end)**, I also didn't want the SEC to look like a bunch of biatches getting skunked by a team that previously got whooped by some I-AA scrubs. I can almost hear the advertising rates for LF (TI, AM, FM, well whatever JP sports is called now), going up.


2. What do you do when you're winning a game by a lot and the whole nation wants the other team to win? Don't ask Michigan State. They wouldn't get that question right if the answer was tattooed on the chest of a 3 breasted lady (like in Total Recall). Notre Dame sucks, we all know that, even the guys in the gold helmets, but I've never seen a game gift wrapped and given away like that before (well there's the Choke at Doak... look it up, geeez). That's why it's always good to keep the receipt.


3. I'm so tired of the Tebow argument. It seems like I have it daily now. People, Tebow is the truth, but the question isn't can he run. Obviously he can pass or he wouldn't be winning Florida High School championships. But High School maketh not the SEC. Key Word is throw passes. Say it with me one more time... Throw Passes! The boy is not ready.

If the people chanting for Tebow in the student section ( mostly drunk people ) had any idea about football, they would question why Tebow has thrown only 6 completions thus far. Meyer's not holding back his arm like a secret weapon. Hello, he's a QB, his arm is not a secret! Next year after he's had a chance to learn how to read defenses at the SEC level, then he'll be unstoppable. Right now, call in the jets cause he's probably going to run.

4. I got the feeling that the TUBA offense would be able to complete a couple of passes against the gators. The Gator Secondary sponsored by Kraft Deli Slice Swiss Cheese Singles got picked apart by Kentucky. Over 200 yards got passed over there heads. Yeah a win is a win, but LSU actually has people who can run and catch... Shocking but true.

5 Finally, I never fully understood why the swamp was such a hard place to play until right before halftime on saturday. The Vols stadium is bigger and I think louder so why is the swamp... THE SWAMP (excluding the Spurrier bloodbath at home years). Then I heard a gator fan shout this to a Kentucky player while I was on the sideline...

Hey #72, your Mom has Breast Cancer and you're going to find out when you get home...!

Whatever happened to a simple "Hey you suck!"

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*The answer to the trivia question was :"TO HELL WITH GEORGIA!!!"


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Whitney Cheated with Osama!

People people people, we need to raise the terrorist activity level to "My Perogative" immediately! The second family of black music is breaking up! We need to warn the media right now. If Bobby and Whitney break up there's no hope for America. NONE! If Whitney & Bobby don't reconcile, then THE TERRORIST WIN!

Look at this article I found about a former mistress of Bin-Laden who says Osama had a crush on Whitney. The article says Osama wanted to have Bobby killed! However unlikely this story is, it still shows us how we as Americans have to stand against the terrorist and keep this couple together.

This is truly a sad time for all Americans. If someone like Bobby Brown (by someone I mean, drugs, alcohol, shiny suits, porn stars) can marry Whitney Houston then there was hope for all of us. Brown never had it so good. He could do whatever he wanted, get arrested, ruin a New Edition Reunion Tour, and still have his wife waiting for him outside county lock-up. That's love.

Then "Being Bobby Brown" came out and we saw that Whitney had her own share of issues because, like I always say, "All Women are Crazy". Now Bobby is looking like the "civil" one. Mainly cause none of the white people new who his was.

14 years of examples on how you should model a true marriage, gone! They were are last hope... No, there's Janet and gulp... Jermaine.


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2 Teeth!.... 4 Teeth!.... That's All We Got.....

For first time in my collegiate career, I'm watching UF Vs Tenn on the TV! I figured I might as well use this free Saturday wisely, but I'm stuck watching football at the same time. Here are my thoughts as they occurred today while watching all the games...

1. Do BYU fans curse when their team misses a fieldgoal? They are Mormon.

2. Why was Boston College band playing "Riding Dirty". Are there even any black people in Boston (who don't play for the Patriots or Celtics)?

3. LSU's band does have black people... but do they know they're black?

4. Remember when Miami was good at football? The Canes, not the Dolphins. I think it's because all of Butch Davis' recruits are finally gone.

5. Did you catch the fierce battle between powerhouses Idaho and Idaho State? Probably not.

6. See Notre Dame! See what happens when you let Ron Zook coach via satellite!

7. Can you see the media bias towards Notre Dame. Before it was gonna be undefeated Ohio State and undefeated USC/Notre Dame in the national championship. Now they say it's going to be undefeated Ohio State and a 1 loss team. Hmm, whoever could they mean...

8. I'd like to take a page from my favorite away message...
F-L-O-R-I-D-A S-T-A-T-E SUCKS!! FLORIDA STATE, FLORIDA STATE, FLORIDA STATE SUCKS!! ...And swallows toooooooooooooo.

9. Reggie Nelson and punt returns = not so good. Reggie Nelson and interceptions = very good

10. How does that old saying go... You can't spell citrus without U.T.


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Slackin on my Pimp'in

I know I've been slackin on this blog. But art imitates life! You should see my room. I still got bags of stuff left unpacked. I still have books to buy for school! Where is my time going?

When I finished my internship I said "Now I'm used to waking up early, I can do it in college" LIES! It's amazing how not getting paid to wake up early will deter you from waking up early. Yeah, you should treat school like a job, but let's be real. PAID... Yeah I'll be getting paid in the future for work I'm doing now. Keyword is now... Young people want to be paid NOW.

Anyway I pledge to get atleast 3 blogs in a week. That should keep the masses satisfied, and keep me from failing...

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I Love Myself, you should try it.

While perusing through people's photos on the facebook, I wanted to back to my profile and refresh my memory on what pictures people first saw when they clicked "view more photos of dwayne", especially now with the ease of facebook stalking. It was during this time that I suddenly had a brief rise in self-esteem and self-image to which I thought.." I love myself " It's something about my selection of pictures that I self tagged that describe me in every possible way. I'm not sure what it is, but whenever I see them, I just think better of myself. Strange?

I'm starting to believe that looking at photos will tell so much more about someone then their profile. You have to put time to write your profile, time for your thoughts and underlying motives to sneak in. Suddenly you've clicked that you're looking for relationship when all you really want is random play.

So the photos... Look through anyone's "view more photos" and you'll see that person looking extra fine or sexy, and you'll see them looking like they just auditioned for the part of Homeless Guy #3 at the local theater. You'll see candid shots and zoolander posses. I think if you soak it all in and process it, you can get an idea (though it could be incorrect) of what that person is like.

I'm an engineer, industrial infact, and we know about data that doesn't fit the distribution. If all the pictures that person has is of them drinking beer doing kegstands while riding a mechanical bull, then maybe they just need to bring the camera around to their other activities like when they're feeding the poor or clothing the lepers. Or they could be infact practicing for the drunk bull riding Olympics.

Don't just look at self-tagged photos. I admit all my self tagged pics show me in an amazing light, while someone else's tags might have me "faded" at the club or looking "a hot mess" on the set. But most of my pictures show me in my natural state... Fine as ever.

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Dwayne Vs The Toilet: Round 2

I'm bloggin from the library. Why the library? Because my ghetto melrose toilet refuses to flush all the way down like a normal one would. Instead it does the opposite and decides to flood my bathroom. Just imagine a brown river doing a starburst towards every corner of your bathroom floor. Then add the fact that I was getting ready to do laundry so all my clothing acted as a natural dam, soaking up all the yummy goodness.

In the meantime I laid down every old Alligator I could find to soak up the chocolate river. Then like a Hazmat specialist, I "picked up" those old ones and threw them out. My clothes are pushed back as far as possible, but there have been some casualties.

And Melrose..., they're two steps toward angry Jamaican mode. Good thing I know a thing or two about turning off a toilet or my whole room would be mess no bottle of fabreeze could deal with. I call for maintenance and surprise, the phones are busy. I goto the office and the "buddy" there asks me if the water is flowing onto the carpet. I should of said yes cause at Melrose, the carpet is more important then my bathroom looking like a transplant from the everglades. I put that order in at 4:00pm, it's 10:30pm and my toilet is still a brown water cooler.

So hence I'm here at the library watching class since there is a slight aroma coming from my bathroom, however slight, just being around it is driving me crazy. I even had to go use the bathroom in the damn clubhouse! The Clubhouse! Just wait till tomorrow....

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Facebook Stalking: Now With Cruise Control

In an effort to due battle with the axis of evil known as Fox & Myspace, facebook has decided to add some new "features". I awoke this morning to find my facebook home exploding with information. When I say exploding, I'm mean like Hiroshima exploding.

Just looking at it now I know that 2 girls I know are "no longer single", a few of my friends created new photo albums, who left groups I'm in, who joined groups I'm in, and suddenly all my recent wall postings which used to be uhm... on my wall, are now on my home page.

Fair enough. Think if it has a web portal for facebook like yahoo.com or msn.com. You can get all your facebook updates on one page. Now you won't have to search friends by "recently updated profile" to see whose doing anything new in their life. And from here you can see how your friends are interacting with your other friends. It's very interesting, atleast from a sociological standpoint.

But like cell-phones allowed us to speak to someone anywhere in the world at anytime, the updates on your profile page have given facebook stalkers their own glass of gummy-berry juice. The mini-feed is facebook stalking gold.

Not only can you look at peoples pictures and read their profiles to learn about them without every talking to them, now you can actually see whose wall they've recently written on and what events they RSVP or declined to goto. It will also tell you what part of their profile was changed so you can stalk more efficiently.

Sooner or later this mini-feed will display who poked you, then we're all in trouble!

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Black People - Stuntin' in my Sunfire

Finally free for blogging! Today I begin with my first blog on black people.

I've long since said I am only black when I have to fill out a form for school and Jamaican every other time. I believe there is a serious cultural difference between African Americans and people of Jamaican decent. So my comments are from a 2nd generation Jamaican guy observing black culture.

As I was leaving walmart I heard the loudest thump I've heard in a while from a car stereo. I expect to see an old Cadillac on 20's (or some white boys in their BMW - this is Gainesville..), but no, I see an old 2 door Pontiac Sunfire blastin the lastest joint out of Atlanta.

It is then that I realize that somewhere between the Emancipation Proclamation and 2006, black people have been led astray. Striving for the best is no longer a goal, just getting by with a ghetto substitute. Instead of working hard and saving up for that BMW on 22's, we settle for the 1985 Honda Civic, add some spinner wheel covers from K-Mart, and throw another G into the stereo.

Like a typical American, I need to blame somebody. Too late to blame Bin Laden. It'd be easy to blame D White Man, but really we ( as in black people ) need to blame ourselves. Yes Blacks had to do everything for themselves during that previously mentioned time people because of segregation and jim crow. But having our own business because white people wouldn't hire us and putting spinners on a mini-van are 2 different things entirely!

Maybe I should blame BET & MTV. They bombard us with iced out grills everyday. And what do we do since we don't have Jay-Z money? Its like when you're in 3rd grade and you want a ninja sword so you can be a ninja turtle but the $5 a week your dad gives you aint enough to buy a real one, so you make your ninja sword out of popsicle sticks... This is essentially what black folk have been doing since 1865... Popsicle sticks!

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