Alcohol and Church don't Mix!

Ah yes, another Christmas in Jamaica. You know, I'm the most completely relaxed whenever I go there. Maybe it was because we didn't have broadband. Or even farther back, we didn't have cable. But now this year I had both. Throw in the ps2 and it's a wrap for productivity.

After that ESPN Classic known as Finals Exam Week, I was prepared to transform into a slug-like Jabba the hut and not move for 10 days, eat sausage sandwiches with hardo'bread, and read. I also planned to spend as little time with my parents at night as possible. Nothing is more grueling then hanging out with your parents at a midlife crisis bar around midnight. For the most part, I accomplished my goal, but they did catch me offguard on the last night.

It seems like forever ago so I'll just hit up the main points.

1. Spririt airlines had a plane change, and well, Jamaicans don't follow directions. Its funny when you get on the plane and the flight attendants refuse to go past first class cause the passengers are all pissed that people are in their seats. Basically it was every man for himself on the plane, or seat wherever you want, just like a city bus! HOORAY! Top that off with the white male flight attendant trying to diffuse the situation saying things like "respect and irie mon". Did I mention our luggage didn't meet us until a few days later.

2. I get the feeling that Jamaicans in Jamaica think us "Americans" don't know anything about Jamaica except for Bob Marley and Cool Runnings. Uhm, hello, I do recall being Vice President of the Caribbean Student association at one time. We went to Quad ( a club ) and my God-sister kept asking me who if I know this dance or who sings that song like I was some pasty white tourist from England. Come on man! I admit I would probably use all my lifelines early on Who Wants to be a Jamaican Millionaire, but don't act like I don't know anything.

3. Christmas day was wack, and I knew it would be way ahead of time. I told GOD one night that it didn't matter if Christmas sucked because he LET me graduate so I'll take that any day of the week over the Superman DVD collection (which I didn't get). My parents didn't really give me anything. Nothing new there. I stopped getting amazing Christmas gifts back in the Sega genesis days. I get my true Christmas joy from giving unique gifts but this year, I didn't have time to get anything super fresh for my parents (see ESPN Sports Classic - Fall 06 Semester) so no magical mom opening up the super fresh gift moment this year.

4. Get the entire agenda before you get drunk. Christmas night in Jamaica usually also means the biggest party of the year (for me atleast). It means an all inclusive party, where the music is right, and the drinks flow like a busted dam. I was also aware I had to be at my cousins son's christening the next morning. I had to leave after about 6 rum and cokes and I when I laid down to sleep with the room spinning I smiled. I smiled because Christmas wasn't so bad, I was uber-tipsy, and all I had to do was wake up, goto church and sit in the pew.

FOOOOOOLED YOU!

I wake up 4 hours later. The room is still spinning. Not good. I kinda feel queasy. Not good. My mom informing me that I will be reading the first lesson out loud infront of the whole church, NOT GOOD! I think I summed every ounce of all that is holy to read from that bible that day without messing up or getting lost. But you know, like I always say, I'm a professional.

5. I managed to escape going out with my parents several times, but the last night I had to choice. My uncle has a jazz night at his house every year, and it's pretty neat. Live musicians, singers. I almost want to go and get on the mic too, but I didn't know any "standard ballards". After the music is over, the torture began. My parents are busy talking to people that haven't seen in years and I'm stuck in the under 40 crowd all by my darn self... Lucky I found a funny book to read or I was seriously going to jump infront of a moving car.

In conclusion, Jamaica was straight as usual. Very relaxing. Maybe since I was looking forward to going to Arizona, I didn't get to appreciate JA like normal. I'm sure after a year of working WITHOUT VACATION will renew my love of the land of wood and water.

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