Don't Taze Me Blog!

Somehow my roll as a Kunta Kinte stunt double at work has prevented me from writing in my blog at all. Add to the fact that Academic Karma has me working on Saturday's during gator games with only brief passing glimpsed of a tv, thus my Ms Cleo'ness from last season are a lot more volatile.

After a few minutes of self-contemplation and a discussion with Professor Simpo, here are the reasons why UF lost to Auburn, and all other related thoughts...

1. We all thought we were gonna smash Auburn to little WarEagePlainsmen bits, and we don't even play on the team. You know how it is when you play a season in NCAA and you have a game against Broke Negro State sandwiched between No 1 USC & No 4 West Virginia, you say F it and simulate that hoe! (thats the next dance.. mark it down... simulate that hoe). The Gators forgot that sometimes when you simulate a game, the playstation secretly switches the players' teams so you end up loosing.

2. Somebody find Riley Cooper a 100 Pack of crayons and a Color-Me-Playbook. If I hear about another play where Tebow throws left and Cooper runs right I'm going to loose it. I know he's a true freshmen and all, but he's not the first true freshmen to play receiver in Urban Myer's offense..**cough** Percy Harvin **cough**. I know I have no idea what it is to play receiver for the Florida Gators, but sometimes, neither does Cooper. I just demand a lot from my Florida receivers...

3. Remember the old Secondary being like swiss cheese. Man, those were the days. Our secondary is like the Emperor's New Clothes! Like everyone tells me it's there, but I must be one of the stupid people who can't see it. At other times the defense looks like somebody pulled Player No 2. cord out of the machine. Either Tennessee's QB really sucks or Auburn's QB last name is Manning. UF is one of the few colleges with a Law School... can't we find an NCAA loophole that will let us bring back our Gator Alumni playing in Jacksonville, just for one day. Not even one day, just 2 quarters! Imagine Reggie Nelson's presence on Auburn's last drive. Dreams are for kids!

4. Illinois (coached by those we do not speak of) actually won their big game. Thank god for Sunshine Laws and the Freedom of Information Act. It turns out Urban Meyer and Ron Zook were filming a pilot reality show (soon to be copied by fox). In this show College coaches get to switch teams for one day with another coach. It just so happened (yeah... coincidentally) that Ron Zook picked Urban Meyer's name out of the Bear Bryant Swap Hat. Luckily they don't get to bring their coordinators, but the funniest thing in the world is watching Dan Mullen try to understand what language Ron Zook is speaking. If only the Zooker would let the Playstation call the plays...

5. The Gators can't beat a team with 3 mascots. The truth is, the Gators can't beat any team whose mascot(s) are more then 4 syllables. We beat the tigers! We Beat the War Eagle. We even beat the Plains... but not the "men". That silly last syllable drove through the seriously lacking defense and kicked that 3... twice!

6. At the end of the day, the gators didn't loose the game, the refs did! Its the most obvious explanation. Now we all know that in every before every gator game, Jeremy Foley accidentally leaves an unmarked briefcase full of Regans... oops I mean Benjamins in front of the Referee's hotel room door. Those are the blow out games. Games that are close are usually paid for by check and thus require a longer turn-around time before the calls go our way. And sometimes we get outbid by the other team *cough*FSU 2004*cough*

Well on Saturday Foley got trumped by his boss Emperor Machen The Great. You see Bernie has a little problem. A certain loud mouth knucklehead by the name of A. Meyer (no relation.. or is there....) wanted to test out that darn Bill of Rights by going one on 7 with the University PD. Maybe if he was Jackie Chan... but some random white boy...nope! So where did that blowout briefcase full of money go... Hmm, I hear Andrew Meyer has suddenly forgotten all of the events that occurred... and he never has to work again....coincidence...

7. This isn't a reason but not a sad reality. Florida is now No 9. When we beat No1. LSU we'll probably only get our old spot of 4 back. We actually have to root for RON ZOOK to win this weekend to improve our own ranking! Goodlord! I hear the Old Navy Tech-Vest is making a comeback in hell!

*Leave a comment, cause you never know when I'll write here again...

*You don't have to be a Blogger Member to leave a comment. Click other under "choose an identity" and enter any name , then type in the word verification.