October 6th: The Musical

October 6th, 2005 was bad. I had 2 hours of band practice during a monsoon. Then when I did get home I got sick. I had a bottle of Appleton and I was too sick to even have a drink. Then I went to bed early...

October 6th, 2006 was awesome, stupendous, amazing, fantastic, etc. GOD literally said "Dwayne, your birthday last year sucked, this year will be different". It's also UF homecoming which equals overtime for anyone in band. Good thing I'm such a great gator fan. I decided to retell the joy of my birthday this year in a different way.

October 6th: The Musical
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ACT 1: SCENE 1
October 5th, 11:30pm, Club 238 West

Birthday weekend started off pretty good. It was definitely multi-cultural night at 238. It's funny how the club staff acts differently depending on the crowd in attendance. I didn't even get searched! And when I left, it was at a leisurely pace. No shoving, no yelling, no threat of tazing... I also came to realize that two girls dancing sexually on each-other is only sexy in Key West and Cancun, not Gainesville. All and all it was it nice little warm-up for the next day, but sadly, the Malibu was actually hitting me! MALIBU!!!

ACT 2: SCENE 1
October 6th, 7:30am, Downtown Gainesville

When my alarm clock went off I was dead in the middle of a long dream, so I know I was having one of those alcohol related dreams. Glen and I had a plan to have him park downtown ahead of the Homecoming Parade which meant we had to find a spot at the crack of dawn. Good thing my stomach was doing flip-flops all morning. Its like I needed a Pepto Ivy Drip or atleast ginger ale. Then sitting in Glen's living room before the parade, even drinking water was a task.

ACT 2: SCENE 2
October 6th, 1:00pm, University Ave

My last homecoming parade... For someone who practially did a parade every Saturday in high school, to only do one a year in college is different. UF definitely made me soft. I'm sure I could of did the UF Homecoming parade 3 times over in high school, but now... YEEESH! Anyway Glen and I had to go out with a bang and give the 8-ball dance 110%, especially now that the entire section wants to do it too. (Where's my royalties?)

I never ever ever ever did that dance so hard. I channeled my 12th grade form in order to make it look as live as possible, hitting the split perfectly every time. Once you pass 13th st, the crowd becoming increasingly african-american and I think they can get a thrill seeing some UF Pride of the Sunshine Band Members take it to the floor with tubas on. I think we did it about 5 times, but the 6th time... woah. That was it. The boat ran out of steam. Nevermind the fact that it was probably 100+ degrees in those uniforms. If I had to do that dance 1 more time in that parade, I would've spent the rest of the day at Shands Hospital.

ACT 2: SCENE 3
October 6th, 3:00pm, Hooters

Going to Hooters after the homecoming parade is a Tuba tradition. However, don't ever ever ever goto Hooters on your birthday unless you have no shame whatsoever. In my post parade stankness I was made to stand on a stool in the middle of the restaurant, dancing like a chicken, shaking my "rass", while the hooters' waitresses clapped. Yeah, good times. Sadly I didn't have a camera for the whole weekend. That's partially why I have to write this down cause the randomness of it all demands it be recorded in history.

INTERMISSION
Happy Birthday to You, as performed by Stephanie Sadler

ACT 2: SCENE 4
October 6th, 6:45pm, Gator Growl

Waiting beneath the stadium to go on at Gator Growl (Uf''s Homecoming Pep Rally) I had the joy of being officially "piled" for the first time. My 6th (AND FINAL) season in band and I have never been "piled" outside of on a bus. Piling by the way is when the entire section, or it seems like the bigger members, jumps on you like you just recovered a fumble to show how much they care. Birthdays are prime time piling times, but I was sitting on a brick wall by some grass looking innocent.

Then I saw one of the freshmen start creeping toward me like when the cheetah spots the lost elephant cub on discovery channel. In a blink the entire section was on me. It didn't even hurt until the last last last person jumped onto the top of the pile. That's when my internal organs wanted to break free and do a mad scramble inside my belly. All the while the other members of the pile are screaming in agony. It's a very interesting experience.

Gator Growl was just ok. I've been to better ones. The skits weren't funny, and the "fake news" was horrible. The joke about the band being celibate for 100 yrs... I can see how somebody on the outside could think that, but these band kids here... like rabbits I tell ya. I could've wrote a better script in 5 minutes. Oh well. Atleast the comedians were good. Its amazing how you can unite a stadium of people with the joys and pains of hotpockets. Either way it was my last Gator Growl as a student... and it was free!

ACT 2: SCENE 5
October 6th, 11:30pm, Downtown Gainesville.

Whats better then going to club on your birthday for free? How about going to two clubs for free, or as I put it "two clubs for the price of none!" In an Appleton induced state, I went to 238's greek night, (where the only greeks were sigmas for some reason) and then went over to Boss Fridays courtesy of Sam Green. We rolled in there deep and the Boss Friday's people sure looked upset since we all got in free, but hey, it's my birthday!

"Its your birthday" by Uncle Luke came on at both places and I'm sure I burned a few calories or two shaking my rump at both establishments. That was probably the most fun I ever had on actual birthday in Gainesville and I didn't have to pay a dime..

Knowing that I would die from Hangover Poisoning at Saturday morning practice the next day if I didn't eat anything before I went to bed, I instructed Orf to drive me to McDonald's. When we got there we ran into a bunch of Sigma Betas. What a great bunch of kids. They even sang me their own version of "Happy Birthday to You" better then the best Red Lobster Waiter on earth.

Again, I must reiterate, that was the most fun on my birthday in Gainesville I ever had, and I've had a few... Too bad for LSU, my birthday weekend wasn't over...

ACT 3: SCENE 1
October 7th, 8:00am, Coach's Field.

Again my stomach is doing a Chinese Gymnast impression and I'm at practice 4 hours after I went to sleep. Crazy. So Now I'm officially 24 years old. Crazy. Practice is only 90 minutes long because ESPN's College Gameday is here. Crazy!

After are we play at Gameday I stayed behind for two hours just to see Lee Corso put on Albert's head at the end of the program. In the mean time I was surrounded in pure Gator'ness for two hours (like I'm gonna stand in the LSU section!). The best part about Gameday besides the finale is reading all the signs people made.

Well I guess the Katrina tragedy has been relocated to Trivial Pursuit pie pieces and fortune cookie messages cause there were plenty of FEMA oriented signs. One sign in particular had one of those evil black looters wading through flood waters, but he was photoshoped to wear an LSU helmet. Maybe if he was wearing an FSU helmet it would of been more convincing.

Anyway, waiting for Lee Corso to put on your mascot's helmet can be equated to Christmas Morning or perhaps several notched below that to your first time (so i've been told ). I don't want to say it was magical (Lee Corso I mean) but it was simply awesome.

ACT 3: SCENE 2
October 7th, 12:30pm, Rich Guy's Tailgate.

When you're given the chance to play and be fed at a tailgate event hosted by the guy who is so rich he has a sports complex and a street (which probably had it's original name for like 100 years) named after him, you say "thank you sir, may I have another!" I just had to throw this event in the mix cause it just added to my perfect birthday weekend. How many people you know have grilled salmon at their tailgate tent? What else do you expect from Gale Lemerand himself.

ACT 3: SCENE 3
October 7th, 3:30pm The Swamp.

I'm not even going to talk about the game. Go on ESPN and look it up. It was the funnest game in the swamp I can remember. LSwho? Exactly. Nuff said. Only bad part was doing "8-ball" on the way back to Music Building after the game I dropped it like its hot without following standard procedures and strained my quad and my groin all at once! There goes my tips for this week. ;)

ACT 3: SCENE 4
October 7th, 11:45pm Club 238 west

A weekend of fermented liquids and no sleep finally caught up with me. I was so tired I fell asleep watching Tennessee recreate everyone's favorite scene from Pulp Fiction with Georgia. (Georgia is the one with the choker ball in its mouth) Orf had to drag me out to the club which was ladies night, and I got in free because my LB paid for me, and it was full of Gold Teeth Gainesville girls with wobbly booties... my favorite! Even with all that, I was soo tired. I danced a few times but my kreb cycles were shot to pieces, plus every time I tried to execute a patented Fozzie dance move my quad and groin gave me a back slap and asked me where the money was.

Finally back home with a smile. I stamp this birthday weekend as best ever in Gainesville. Only celebrating my 21st birthday a week later on Bourbon Street tops the rankings, followed by my 5th and 6th birthday parties. Anyway, that's the end of the musical, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did...

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