Thursday, November 30, 2006

Driving Like A Woman!

I thought you'd love my ultra-sexist blog title. I'm just beginning my epic journey of homework till well past sunrise and I thought I should share this bit of fun I had today before the redbull kicks in and I loose all human emotion. Amazing things happened to me today!

Finishing all my homework when I thought I was destined for a zero. That had Hesus written all over it since I need to pass that class to graduate. Forget about recording band music on Florida field. That was cool too though its amazing how many people find joy in running up all gabillion steps from the bottom of the stadium to the top. It is a good workout, but what if you fell! It'd be horrible. And knowing college students, no one would even ask you if you were ok.

God did send me yet another triple coronary today, though for a change it wasn't related to Gator Football. Let me set the stage for you. I'm driving back from storage facility on I-75. It's raining hurricane style all of a sudden (as is becoming more common... thanks global warming!). I'm pushing 80-85 as is the custom on Florida highways. Rain, sleet, or snow, I'm always driving fast. I just have great steering hands I guess. Not today!!

The phone rings and it's my mom. For some reason my sections of my Y-chromosome that handle motor vehicles decides to role play as a recessive gene and let that pesky X chromosome behind the wheel. Halfway into my 1 hand on the phone, 1 hand on the wheel, doing 83 through a hurricane, Black Ice (that's the name of my car if you didn't know) decides that we are infact playing Mario-Kart and freaking Yoshi just dropped a banana infront of me.

I should give myself several pats on the back though. I smoothly told my mom I'll call her back later. My car is trying to decide if it should spin out of control in a counter clockwise or clockwise motion in the middle of a busy highway. My Y-chromasome finally grows some "balls" and figures lefty Lucy would be the best choice and I sorta steer toward the inside emergency lane. But there's nothing like an X-chromosome scorned, added to my still upper 70 mph speeds and we're headed back toward the center of my lane.

Finally Y-chromosome takes a page from Ike Turner and the car is back on the straight and narrow. Oh yeah, and I definitely thought I was gonna have a nice double rollover in the middle of a rain storm on I-75, so kudos to you Y-chromosome! Even though it was still raining, I declined to push it like Jeff Gordon.

My heart can't take to much more excitement... or redbull. Toobad the SEC Championship is on Saturday... Where's my medical alert bracelet?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Gators = Pilgrims, Seminoles = uhm, Indians?

Ah yes, the great american tradition that is thanksgiving weekend is over. The gators beat the noles and the tubas beat the trunpets. Woah, did I just say tradition!

I started my thanksgiving week on wednesday by having a 2nd round interview for a company close to home. A 3 hour interview... It begin with a 100 question survey asking me how much I "strongly agree or strongly disagree" to doing things such as being a leader, getting work done on time, or doing drugs. Followed by another 20 questions of complete the number in the sequence and those dreaded "a train leaves your mom at 5am and gets to who gives F at 7pm etc.." questions. The 2nd and 3rd part of the interview were actually with real people! But by then I was so tired I started answering questions to questions that weren't asked. Hmm yeah. Right before I left I asked how much the starting pay was and it's 7000 less then my other job offer. 7! I could of saved 3 hours! Note to self, find out pay rate first!

I did manage to see Borat that night. Now I know how PB looks naked. Thanks Borat!

Thanksgiving day was well. Far below average. We decided to have thanksgiving with "family" in Orlando. You know, the kind of family you've only met once and that was before you even had a drivers license... Oh and by the way, they're going to start eating with or without you so forget the whole nice great american family scene right before they cut the turkey thing. Oh yeah, did I mention you don't know anyone. Ok good. So lets spend thanksgiving in a room full of strangers watching the cowboys game in the corner of a room by yourself! Then go back to the internet-less hotel with your parents. Norman Rockwell couldn't of painted a better picture.

Friday began with a great family meal at where? WENDY'S! I could of went to wendy's my damn self or stopped at burger king at the turnpike! Add the constant and un-ending graduation talk and you'll soon be ready for insanity induced first degree murder. Thank god I had to go back to gainesville, too bad I had to go back for band practice! And even though I had to wake up at 5:00am, I decided staying up and not going to sleep would be wiser... Fooled you.

Saturday... go look it up on ESPN. I will say this. Last year my hatred for FSU was shrouded in a cloud of ex-girlfriend'ness. We totally destroyed FSU last year and I didn't even care. Thank you rotating schedule for having the game in Tallahassee and reminding me why I wish God would swallow FSU and return it back to the earth from which it came. My typically creative self was prohibited from making x-rated yet truthful chants about FSU in the stands this year, but we still had fun watching them loose again. My 24+ hours awake caught up to me on the ride back, but the tuba bus is not for sleeping so I was way to tired for saturday night shenangans.

Sunday = tuba football domination! Dallas Harvin as I know call myself didn't catch any touchdowns due to well, my neglegence. I did catch a 30 yard bomb and I got an interception. This game proved to me that alot of band people have no athletic ability whatsoever and that they also have no understandig of football at all. Double emphasis on the last note. At least Ron Zook understood that you throw to your best player. Ron Zook. We've beaten all the section in the band with males ( seriously, I know what your thinking, and you are correct!) and all we have left is a game against a drumline. Most of all my calves hadn't spasmed in agony yet! And thats really all that matters.


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Monday, November 13, 2006

Dirty Dirty Trojan Whores!

What a weekend! The Gators beat South Carolina the football game. The Sigmas won the stepshow! Even the Dolphins won! And then in accordance with my Armageddon plan, almost all the other teams in college football I needed to lose, lost! I went to bed saturday night with a smile because the gators would be ranked #3 in the BCS.

Haha... Foooled you!

Damn that school whose nicknamed after a latex product! I still need Notre Dame to beat USC. STILL! Jeeze! Whats going on in the world?

Now the gators... I never had a tripple coronary in the stadium before but damn. Right before that blocked fieldgoal my heart decided to take a shot at DJ scratchin. I'm getting tired of these ESPN Sports Classics. Can't we just whoop teams by a million like we used too... way way way back when.

As far as the step show... It sucks being the technical sigma. You have to put together all the sound and this year, video for the show. I basically learned how to edit video just to create a 90 second intro and a 60 second commerical to use in our step show. The hard part is it seems the most changes are made the night before the damn show.

Video presents the biggest challenge because it has to be rendered and that could take up to 30 minutes to put it on a dvd. Good thing the video files are on a cd and they work.

FOOOLED YOU!

Why am I at the game getting text messages about the video files not working? As if I needed anymore feelings of panic. Top that off with Cingular's lack of service when I really really need it plus South Carolina's upset bid, and my resting beats per minute is stuck on fast foward. I finally got in touch with the bros after half-time and solved the problem. I relaxed just long enough untill that pre-mentioned field goal...

You shoulda seen me after the game trying to get to the step show... or maybe not. Trying to change from my smelly band uniform to a Tag Body Spray enriched outfit while driving around campus after a football game was fun. I had no pants or underwear on for atleast 2 blocks and was just waiting for the bus with Nuns and orphaned children to drive by and catch me.

I wish I had gotten to the show from the start so I could make a complete comparative analysis instead of just listening to what people told me, but we killed it. Like 1st Degree killed it. 4 years in a row! Now I can retire and hopefully the next set of bros can pick up some of these technical skills. Or as Stephen Francis told me later that night " they're never going to let you go, ever!". It does feel like that.

See, I through in some non college football stuff. Happy!



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Monday, November 06, 2006

Dirty Dirty Cardinal Whores

I was planning to write about my weekend last night, but then I went 8 rounds in a rematch with my toilet. I've also come to realize that this blog has become very college football oriented. I pledge to inject some none NCAA'ness back into this blog... just not today.

BTW, I went to Jamaica for the weekend for my cousin's wedding. I finally made it to my destination around 9pm 'ish. All I had on my mind was watching Lousiville beat WV in accordance with my "Get the Gators to Arizona" plan. Much to my dismay, ESPN in jamaica is currently known ESPN Desportes and was showing a tennis match in espanol. I did eventually catch highlights on ESPN 2 which is all english as God intented. My plan is going according to well, plan. Now I need the gators to murder vanderbilt, as God intended...

Haha, fooled you. "Watching" the UF game on cbs sportsline website was fun. Waiting for the little football graphic to update every minute was extra fun. Right after half-time my parents whisked me away to a fun filled day around Kingston ( dang, where is that sarcasm font again...)

Yes we do have DSL in Jamaica, and we even set up a wireless router in my aunts house. With this advancement in technology I was able to see the scores when I got back home. I knew UF was going to win, but you never know with that team so I was releaved to see we won. I was even more releaved to see that LSU beat Tenn throwing me into the thing I wanted most... an SEC title game in my college career!

Sadly I wasn't that excited to hear this news, maybe 'cause I was in Jamaica. Maybe 'cause the other scores I saw were so amazing hilarious I forgot all about the SEC Title game. Miss State beat Alabama? Thats horrible. But I heard the earth opened up in Georgia and swallowed the entire town of Athens when UGA lost to Kentucky... as God inteded. The basketball school beat the football school. Crazy.

But now it's monday and those dirty dirtdy Cardinal whores have jumped us in the BCS! Boulderdash! Who has this team played to be so worthy? U of "R&B Thugs" Miami? West "Keep It In The Family" Virgina? Bah! Bah twice!

Now Pitt or Rutgers is going to take care of business... as God intended.



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