When Photoshop Was Fun

Before I lost my mind making flyers for people, I used to have fun with photoshop. I still do periodically, though now only on my days off. Anyway, here is my facebook album of facebook photos I made just for fun. There you can find fun stuff like this picture of me as Superman...

http://ufl.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2027382&l=53651&id=2014605

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My Blog for Dummies

Too lazy to read every single post on this blog to truly understand me? Never fear. I switched the blog to the "new template system", cursed at the computer for an hour to make it look like it used to, then added a Top 10 List of my favorite posts on the right side. Now you can get straight to the meat and skip the carbs! This list will change as "more better" posts are created.



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Big Boy Camera

Right after I graduated (and counted all the skrilla) I decided I was ready to get a big boy camera. I always took some nice shots with my little sony, but I've always been a stickler for quality. All summer I'd spend hours on flickr looking at how great shots taken with a dSLR (aka the Big Boy Camera) looked and I said to myself that one day I would buy one. I believe the only constraint at the time was the $400+ needed to buy one.

Long story short ( it's 3am and I'm bored...) I got a Nikon D50 on sale right after New Years. Unless you too own an SLR then that means nothing to you, but you should be happy to know that I'm almost ready to add "photography" as an official hobby. I do need something to replace "playing the tuba" in my life. I say almost because I don't really have much opportunities to take pictures of stuff. During daylight hours I'm either asleep or at work and as we all know, days off are for laying in bed watching Law & Order.

I do however get a chance every now and then to really put my camera to use. The pictures littered throughout this post were taken with my Big Boy Camera. When I move out and get my own place ( within 10 months according to my ridiculously aggressive savings plan ) I want to decorate my walls with poster size versions of all my "gangsta pics". Anyway, I've had a chance to use this camera on about 5 occasions ( thats almost $100 per occasion! It pays for itself people!) and these were some of the best ones I got. What do you think so far?

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Caveman Logic

There are times at work when my job is purely physical. No thinking involved. Just lift, set, push, etc. But you know, I am a scholar, and my brain refuses to go on auto-pilot. It's during these sessions that surprisingly, my mind churns out random acts of proposed creativity for me to work on later. Sadly,later involves me in bed watching a complete season of 24, pushing all my creativity to the side. Lucky for me I have a blog and I can record my wasted thoughts for as long as the Internet exists (until Skynet takes over...)

Anyway during a recent stretch of pure non-college degree requiring labor, this brief stanza of poetry entered my mind:

I'm like the first monkey that stood up on two legs
Looked at my girl Eve and said,
Let me hit that apple

Brilliant! So deep, so provocative. You could take that statement so many ways. At the time of it's creation I was in serious caveman mode at work. Lift, set, push, etc. I haven't really had a chance to figure out what it means. Got any ideas? I'd love to read your interpretation.

I do recall (and if you were at this one particular poetry night) writing a few poems to explain how I felt at the time. I think I might get back into it. But that would take time away from watching Law & Order on TNT on my days off. If only I could get a flux capacitor!

BTW, did you notice how I'm infusing all my pop-culture references with wikipedia now. I realize that not everyone has seen Back to the Future 50 million times or realized the machines take over in Terminator. It's basically for those people who watch family guy and don't get any of the jokes cause they been living under a rock their whole life... or watching BET.

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Do it Dollar!

You know I always say the coolest thing about a blog is re-reading old posts. Especially when you're full of charm and wit like myself. The one life moment I have yet to blog about is the national championship game in arizona. I don't know why I never decided to write it down, and the more time I waste, the harder it will be to get the facts straight. So please, if you see me online, or in facebook, remind me to write about that game. It will be very funny and entertaining, I promise... If I could just get off my ass.

In the meantime, here's the post from my birthday that reminded me why having a blog is so cool.

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Something About Sunsets

Another day off from works slips away. Things planned, circumvented by a 24 Season 5 Marathon on my hard drive. Earlier, well 4am yesterday, I planned to write about all the funny things I noticed in the club that night. You'd be amazed that most of the people in the club can be funneled down into a few categories. Maybe later.

Anyways, in an effort to make my ginormous 22" computer screen continue it's out of the box freshness, I changed the background picture again, this time choosing a photo I took of the sun setting in key west. At times I find myself just looking at this pictured I've had for over a year, stretched across the screen, and I realize there's something about sunsets that is connecting with some inner emotion inside me somewhere.

Where I work there are no windows to the outside world. After about 7 hours without natural sunlight, there's something about looking through the Customer Pickup bay doors and seeing the sun set over the Sawgrass Expressway. The way the light rays bounce off the shiny floor and practically blind you. I'm not even sure what the feeling is called. It's not sad, happy, or mad. More like a longing. Longing for what though?

Even this same picture in key west has me longing for something. I just can't put my finger on it.

Oh Dollar, the sunset is your life before you started working

I though of that, but I kinda like working life. I like how I bought this fresh new computer without any assistance from my parents. I'm loving how if a get my saving plan right, I could have my own place in a year. I'm REAAAAAAAAALY looking forward to that.

Sunsets... what could it be? Any ideas people? I've used up all my 12th Grade AP Psychology Skills I can think of. That and one of our neighbors is having a "gathering" that I can hear through my window at 2:00am. Yeah, I forget, not everyone works on sunday.



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Days Off are for Blogging!

Oh how long has it been blog. You are like a high school girlfriend I run into at the club just after you finished sliding down the pole in drunken ecstasy. Sadly, it's hard to remember to blog about all the foolishness I encounter in the world when I don't leave work until 9:30pm. Also much of my madness is from observations made at work and uhm... I'd like to keep my job.

I have decided to spare my neglected readers and promise to blog on my days off from work. I think that will at least make the posts flow against until either;

A. I get a schedule that mimics the rest of the corporate world
B. I get a new job that also includes A.

And I don't think either A or B is happening anytime soon.

I have meant to write stuff here plenty of times since I started working in my new department, but it's just something about leaving work after 9:00pm, driving for 30 minutes (mostly on a highway), taking a shower, and eating a late late dinner that stifles my blogging creativity.

Begin Sarcasm.... NOW

So I was reading about how the Virgina Tech shooter bought some empty clips off ebay. That's news people. Ebay is probably gonna have to regulate things like that. My point however is the useless info the media loves to hit us with.

The article also detailed the rest of the shooter's transactions on ebay. He sold football tickets and OMG, a calculator! Thanks Action News. What's that, there's more! He only used the calculator for a semester! Get Jack Bauer on the line right now!!!! Wait, there were games on the calculator. Good lord! Get the Joint Chiefs on a conference call a.s.a.p.

Like seriously people. This man killed over 30 people, and I need to know that he has a 98% rating on ebay. Forget his psychological issues, that 98% says it all. One person knew all along that this guy was wacko, but all he could do was give a thumbs down on his transaction..

End Sarcasm.... Now

So much more things to say, but they're neither witty nor sarcastic. I'll keep it separate and put in the next post.

Remember that girl PleaseLeave A. Comment... Yeah she was fine!



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I'm turning into my mother!

Wow... time flies when you have a job, and so does Blogspot. I just finally switched to the new version (they uhm, forced me) and it's ok so far. This label thing is just another piece of information to forget. Worst of all I have yet to blog about my all expense paid arse whooping of Ohio State. Sooner or late I'll do it!

Anyway, I've been working for almost a month now. I'd like to keep my job so I'm gonna restrain myself from ever blogging about it. However I will say that I just noticed something horrible today. I think there are two types of workers in this world and my parents are examples of both.

My dad works a million different shifts, but when he works the one similiar to most regular people it's amazing the amount of things he can get done after work. I say amazing cause even know I look at my life once I "punch out" for the day and it'd devoid of activity.

My mom, and I, both work on our feet for the entire day. The entire day! Now I got my Dr. Scholls but it's something about coming home after you've been standing all day. Like my mother I get my dinner, jump in my bed, and watch tv for the rest of the night. She watches her TIVO'd soaps, I watch download episodes of 24 or Sopranos or whatever tv show I skipped the first time.

I harken back to my summer days when I would work at a desk in a comfy chair, then go play basketball or jog. Now. Ha! Basketball! The court better be made of temper pedic memory foam first! My post-work slothful'ness has also led to the decline of my blog activity, which is the worst tragedy of them all. But I think my schedule is about to change (goodbye weekend!) so maybe it'll inspire me to write more here.

Screw this, I'm going back to my bed.

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American Gigalo

Ladies and gentlemen, I am now a working man. But honestly, it's not any different then working over the summer. Sure working for FPL and working for a furniture company involve different things, but I still maintain the fundamental truth of working after college..

When you're done for the day... YOUR DONE! No going back to the library a couple hours later, no meetings in the damn Reitz Union, no more band practice in the cold! Yeaaaah!

I do miss college, but not enough to blog about it yet, and yeah my blog about putting a code 187 on Ohio State is long over due, but today is about working like a grown up.

Everyone is making a big deal about me finally going to a full time job, but honestly it really doesn't feel any different then my summer job. While I'm in training, the pay is practically the same, the hours are almost the same, and I still go and play basketball afterwards.

Perhaps the biggest difference is I'm training to be a supervisor of people. Regular 9 to 5 hourly cats. No shirts and ties here baby, we're in the back end of the furniture business. Half of me says "great, I've been supervising people my whole life" and the other half says "crap, if I mess up I'm gonna cost people their money and the company money!"

But the theme of my training along with my group is "change the game" cause I'm looking at everything from an industrial engineer point of view and I can definitely see things that could be improved, but first I gotta pay my dues. Sad but true. Half the time I feel like I'm pledging. Lifting heavy objects, studying in a freezing room. Madness!

Just wait, two weeks to be exact... CHA-CHING!



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Alcohol and Church don't Mix!

Ah yes, another Christmas in Jamaica. You know, I'm the most completely relaxed whenever I go there. Maybe it was because we didn't have broadband. Or even farther back, we didn't have cable. But now this year I had both. Throw in the ps2 and it's a wrap for productivity.

After that ESPN Classic known as Finals Exam Week, I was prepared to transform into a slug-like Jabba the hut and not move for 10 days, eat sausage sandwiches with hardo'bread, and read. I also planned to spend as little time with my parents at night as possible. Nothing is more grueling then hanging out with your parents at a midlife crisis bar around midnight. For the most part, I accomplished my goal, but they did catch me offguard on the last night.

It seems like forever ago so I'll just hit up the main points.

1. Spririt airlines had a plane change, and well, Jamaicans don't follow directions. Its funny when you get on the plane and the flight attendants refuse to go past first class cause the passengers are all pissed that people are in their seats. Basically it was every man for himself on the plane, or seat wherever you want, just like a city bus! HOORAY! Top that off with the white male flight attendant trying to diffuse the situation saying things like "respect and irie mon". Did I mention our luggage didn't meet us until a few days later.

2. I get the feeling that Jamaicans in Jamaica think us "Americans" don't know anything about Jamaica except for Bob Marley and Cool Runnings. Uhm, hello, I do recall being Vice President of the Caribbean Student association at one time. We went to Quad ( a club ) and my God-sister kept asking me who if I know this dance or who sings that song like I was some pasty white tourist from England. Come on man! I admit I would probably use all my lifelines early on Who Wants to be a Jamaican Millionaire, but don't act like I don't know anything.

3. Christmas day was wack, and I knew it would be way ahead of time. I told GOD one night that it didn't matter if Christmas sucked because he LET me graduate so I'll take that any day of the week over the Superman DVD collection (which I didn't get). My parents didn't really give me anything. Nothing new there. I stopped getting amazing Christmas gifts back in the Sega genesis days. I get my true Christmas joy from giving unique gifts but this year, I didn't have time to get anything super fresh for my parents (see ESPN Sports Classic - Fall 06 Semester) so no magical mom opening up the super fresh gift moment this year.

4. Get the entire agenda before you get drunk. Christmas night in Jamaica usually also means the biggest party of the year (for me atleast). It means an all inclusive party, where the music is right, and the drinks flow like a busted dam. I was also aware I had to be at my cousins son's christening the next morning. I had to leave after about 6 rum and cokes and I when I laid down to sleep with the room spinning I smiled. I smiled because Christmas wasn't so bad, I was uber-tipsy, and all I had to do was wake up, goto church and sit in the pew.

FOOOOOOLED YOU!

I wake up 4 hours later. The room is still spinning. Not good. I kinda feel queasy. Not good. My mom informing me that I will be reading the first lesson out loud infront of the whole church, NOT GOOD! I think I summed every ounce of all that is holy to read from that bible that day without messing up or getting lost. But you know, like I always say, I'm a professional.

5. I managed to escape going out with my parents several times, but the last night I had to choice. My uncle has a jazz night at his house every year, and it's pretty neat. Live musicians, singers. I almost want to go and get on the mic too, but I didn't know any "standard ballards". After the music is over, the torture began. My parents are busy talking to people that haven't seen in years and I'm stuck in the under 40 crowd all by my darn self... Lucky I found a funny book to read or I was seriously going to jump infront of a moving car.

In conclusion, Jamaica was straight as usual. Very relaxing. Maybe since I was looking forward to going to Arizona, I didn't get to appreciate JA like normal. I'm sure after a year of working WITHOUT VACATION will renew my love of the land of wood and water.

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Blog - You Are Not Forgotten - Blame the Rum

Dear Blog,

I miss you.

Love Dwayne.

So many things have happened since my last entry, but suddenly laying in bed watching back to back Law and Order episodes on TNT has taken precedence over life. I went to Jamaica and got to see the Gators win it all. And I have yet to record any of it on this blog. But now when I'm supposed to be packing up clothes to leave Gainesville for a month or so, I suddenly refuse to do any form of work without getting paid. Yeah, graduating and getting a job will do that too you. Ok so next up... christmas in Jamaica.

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Black People: NiggaSpace!

I hate to sandwhich my most happy college moment with posts about the folley of black americans, but somebody (probably Gardy) told me the most dangerious thing in America is a black man with a degree. I'm starting to believe him because we're the only ones who see things like this and see a problem. Anyway, I ran into this website while studying for an exam and was so incensed I had to write about it on the spot! I didn't post it because I had to save Post #50 for graduation. So now that we're on Post #51, I can go ahead and share my angst. Here is a little control+V action...........................................

Niggaspace.com! NiggaSpace.com !!!!!!

OMFG! NiggaSpace.com! I'm here trying to study, and I see a group on facebook called "Niggaspace is a discrace to black people". At first I was like, this has to be a joke. The ignorance of the black race could not have spilt from BET over to an organized commercial venture on the internet. Couldn't be. I googled it and again, OMFG!

The company slogan says it all. NiggaSpace - A Place fo' Niggas. OMFG! I was really going to study and write about this after graduation because I promised myself my 50th post was gonna be for the momentus ocassion of my graduating, but every minute I didn't write something down, my soul caught on fire! I had to write this down, somewhere, anywhere!

Damn ignorant ass coons! I just wrote about "The coon" but this is just about the worst display of ignorance anywhere. The site's creater, an aparent high school senior, claims that the site isn't meant to be racist and that the word "Nigga" and "Nigger" are two different words with two different meanings. Seriously, no seriously! Is there already a line forming to punch this kid in the mouth? Any black person born after the switch from B.C. to A.D. knows that those two words are exactly the same.

Before I continue I will make a few statements because I know what you are thinking. (1) Like I said in Gold Tooth Pre-Teen Girls, I use the N word too. Sometimes more then I should. But only in an extreme casual setting with ONLY other black people around. Sub-consciouly I do this so I don't give other races the impression that the N word is cool. Even now I refuse to type out "NIGGA/NIGGER". (2) To that note, I feel we can't get mad at other races for using the N Word until we stop using it. Latin people call each other the N word now. Soon asians will too. If we don't get mad at them, we can't get mad at white people. Then we can all use the N word in church, in court, and at work.

"Part of my intention for this site is for the word nigga to embody images of brotherhood, and fraternity rather than images of ignorance and hate.

How great would it be, if the mixed emotions that this word carries along with it, were stripped down to something more positive? Only positive. - Ignorant ass duckhead/creator"

Everytime I hear that particular argument for making the N word a regular word, I think about other words that will never ever ever make it to Santa's Nice List. Bin Laden and Hitler are two great examples. You think Arab-american kids are going to be walking around going "thats my Bin-Laden right there" in 100 years or "What up my Bin-Laden"?

In "tyrone" (the creator's) defense, I can see him wanting to make a myspace service aimed particularly at black people. Oh yeah, what could we call it. Hmm. Black something, black world, black globe, black thing that orbits a sun, something along those lines... I don't see how making a website where cats show off their tats and hook up with hoes is going to teach the world that the N word is fine and dandy for everyday use from Wall Street to MLK Blvd.

The dumbest internet savy black person on earth/creator definitly has no argument for the lovely logo on his site. 3 black figures wearing headbands and gold chains. You know, if some red neck hick with a mullet, a Bush-Cheney sticker, and a confederate flag liscense place, made this site (which could be correct since apparently Tyrone has not revealed his race according to news sources) then I would have said, hey, 1st amendment. If ignorant ass black people get tricked into thinkin this is cool, oh well, Red Neck Jim has every right to make a website called NiggaSpace. But to think that a black person ( a high school kid though ) thinks this a good idea is so very sad.

Even sadder is the fact that black people are signed up and are regular users. One website said more then 10,000 people have signed up! 10,000 ignorant ass black people! This is just extra sad. People at UF caught flack for being in facebook groups with the N Word in the title while trying to get the Alligator to apologize for using said word, but how easy is it to join a facebook group. Mad simple. But you have to fill in 15 things to be a NiggaSpace Nigga. Any african american with a sense of pride in their culture and history of black struggles should of said "woah, wtf am I doing?" around entering their date of birth on the form.

This is the state of black community in America. From a math stats point of view, this isn't all black people. I bet this is mostly high school kids. Not black business owners. Not black civil rights activists. Not Jim Cro Law survivors. Just some high school kids, who by the way are going to be full fledged adults in 5 or so years. I like to think that ever mini-generation of people is more liberal then the last. If niggaspace.com is not a problem to high school kids, what horribly ignorant thing will not be a problem to kids currently in middle school?

I'm all for fighting the good fight, but it's like the "pride of the black race" is on a negative slope when using old standards like number of famous black politicians, doctors, and scientists. But if we change the graph to measure black pride by number fronts in your mouth, or number of times you can get shot and live, then the graph is shooting sky high. I'm considering switching my race to Other on forms now. Can I do that?

I've got the solution. Maybe myspace can sue Niggaspace for copyright infringment? Its worth a shot. The niggaspace guy won't even show up to court since the police will never be able to serve him with court papers... you know how those niggers hate the police.



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Episode 50 - Graduation!!!!

December 16th, 2006... 10:00am. O'dome. 3rd row from the front on the left side. This is where I spent 90% of one of my most happiest days in a long time (outside of that little thing in Atlanta a few weeks back). Yes ladies and gentlemen, the blog turns 50 today with this being the 50th post I saved just for this special occasion. The occasion ofcourse being GRADUATION!!!! (Note to readers, I will be thanking GOD a lot throughout this blog tonight so if you're a heathen, don't be offended, you damn heathen)

Funny, it almost didn't happen on a number of levels. 1st, finals week really felt like an ESPN Sports Classic. You know the games on ESPN classic that go into triple overtime. That was me many times this week wondering to myself why the professor has it out for me personally when he put his final exam together. I never understood how you could have senior'itis in college as opposed to in High School when you already had all your future plans already in place by January or February. But in college, if you don't have a job already, your GPA still matters. And in engineering, you can't anything below a C!

So while I know people whose last semester was composed of mainly PE classes and Basket Weaving, I was fighting through Lean Manufacturing and Supply Chain. Remember those triple coronaries I was having during the South Carolina game, well I think I had a psychotic breakdown during that final. Like I could of bit the head off a chicken and drank it's blood psychotic. You know when you turn each page of the exam and go "how do I do that?" and then throw in the fact that you need a C in the class to graduate... Hmm, yummy chicken blood!

I had to stop and pray during the exam cause seriously people, seriously. All I could see was my ass being here another semester because of this one exam. So THANK GOD, he gave me some spiritual prozac and I got my act together. I managed to put something down and by my calculations will get my C. Mission complete.

2nd, My graduation was at 10:00am so I had to be at the O'dome at 8:30am. My alarm clock went off at 7:00am and I swear, I was wondering what was so special today that I set my alarm to wake me up. I kid you not! Such was the stupor that finals week put me in. I was two taps away from hittin snooze when GOD gave me a five-finger slap and everything became clear again. I coulda snoozed! How horrible would that have been to wake up at noon!

You know, the emotions run thick at graduation for everyone. I'm sure even Bernie gets a little sad after his 1000th handshake (I think he has a stunt hand for these occasions, probably amputated from a local orphaned migrant worker). Right right right before you go on stage is the most nerve racking experience ever and you know me, I'm supposed to enjoy attention. Imagine if I had some elaborate dance to do on stage as is common now awadays...

By the way, on people dancing on stage. You remember wacky day in high school. Everyone got to look like they got dressed in the dark by stevie wonder. But you know, there's always one guy who didn't put any thought into it and just wore two different shoes. And how did he look when he got to school? Lame! Wack! Sorry!

Thats how I felt about dancing on stage at graduation. Either you come correct, or don't waste your time. You're not going to go down in history by doing a 0.5 second dance move. This is UF! They crank out the names like we're at the Ford Factory. I just threw up the frat sign after I heard my name and subsequent Blu Phi. I didn't dance cause I'm surprisingly conservative when it comes to GRADUATION, but I saw this one dude do one spoonful of The Chicken Noodle Soup before the next name was called and I felt sorry for him. Two different shoes...please!

Anyway, after I got off the stage, I was surreal. Floating even. Even after I sat down, I couldn't believe I was now a graduate of The University of Florida, the greatest school in the south, southeast, east, country, world? Either way, I had to keep telling myself and everyone who sat around me that I was a graduate of UF now 'cause it was like a dream.

I'm gonna save my reflections on UF for a later post, but I will say I take singing the Alma Mater in band for granted because the people to my left and right had no idea how it went and I had to go all American Idol on them to save the day.

After all the pictures and hugs outside I had dinner with my family... in OCALA! Thanks Gainesville hotel system. It was cool though. It gave me a chance to see how much love and support I've always had right under my nose. And I was getting some Mafia wedding envelopes. I hope that trend continues in Jamaica. My day ended with me finally opening up this 12year old Appleton that's been teasin me for weeks now. All I can say is I only deal with 12 year olds now... rum that is.

Even now, its still a little hard to believe that college is over. I'm officially an adult now. Scary, but interesting. I look back and this post should of been longer then the one on my birthday, but I think I spent much of saturday on cloud nine so I cant remember the specifics. I'm slowly coming back down to earth though.

So what is in store for the future of Dollar Bill? Christmas trip to Jamaica...check. Watching the gators sphalack the buckeyes in the national championship game...check. Great paying job back at home...double check. A potential future Mrs. Mills...workin on it. Either way, I honestly think GOD has some great things planned for me and I can't wait to get it going. He got me this far didn't he?

* Until the spring graduation, you can watch all of UF's graduations online at http://www.registrar.ufl.edu/commencement/ just click saturday morning when you get there and fast foward to 1:13:30 to see ya boy...

PS: This is also the 50th post on my blogt. Now that school is over I think I'll be able to post like when I first started this. I'm planning some things for this blog now that we've hit the big 50. I'm gonna make a top-10 lists of previous posts and add a subscription thing so you can get new posts emailed right to you! But I won't get to any of that till I'm chillin in Jamaica with nothing to do. Maybe if Cingular customer service stoped being so horrible I can post from anywhere in america with my as yet purchased Samsung Blackjack...I wonder who cingular customer service calls when they have problems with their phones? Oh yeah, they probably all have Verizon!

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Black People - It's Cool to be a Coon

Just 8 hours until I take the most important final exam in my freakin life, but I had to take a break before I vomit things like Economic Order Quantitiy and Bullwhip Effect all over the floor. In this brief break of mine, I'd like to continue my observations on Afrcan Americans aka Black People.

For some odd reason the library was closed on saturday night (like nobody in gainesiville studies the saturday before finals start?) and I had tricked myself into thinking the Reitz Union would be open 24 hours. Anyway, I'm situated behind the food court by the free internet computers (thanks COX Cable!) using my computer only to play internet radio (who doesn't love free 80's music!) and thankfully, I had my super ultra hardcore $100 Shure earbuds.

This spot in the union is also the breakroom for the more minimum wage workers (who are all black in their late teens, early 20's - don't blame me, blame Bush!) where you can find them using the free internet to look at myspace, youtube, and eastbay shoes... Fair enough, I think we college students do that enough already with our own computers. Now lets set the scene up better.

One particular worker, who I will know refer to as The Coon was seated directly across from me rapping along with his cd player. Now like I mentioned before, $100 Shure headphones. This headphone are tight, so tight all I can hear is the music and my heartbeat. My heartbeat! Anyway, I see his mouth moving, but thankfull, no volume. The girl studying at the table next to me though did not have $100 headphones and she was looking very unnerved.

I pulled out one ear to "hear" what was going on. It would seem that The Coon was not listening to his mix of gospel hits but infact a rather descriptive song about the female reproductive system. It went something to the effect of;

I split the pussy wide open and nut in your mouth, I be fucking pussy from north to south - The Coon

Now I'm not going to argue the socio-economical ramifcations of Rap music here. I'm increasingly getting tired of where the majority of rap is headed. However, if I heard The Coon's rap in the club, or on the way to the club, or leaving the club, then I would have thought it was a hot song.
The Reitz Union is not the club..., well not right at that moment.

At first I found it funny, seeing this black kid's use of verbs completly annoy the heck out of the girl who was studying. I found it ironic because I had just watched a special on ABC about how people behave when somebody does something disruptive in a public place. I was wondering, should I tell this kid to keep it down, should I jam along with him, or should I stick $50 of my headphone back in my left ear and study some more?

Before I could make up my mind, a new though settled in. Sadness. Sadness for The Coon. Sadness because I bet The Coon didn't know he was acting like an idiot. I'm sure in his circle of friends, beating pussy from north to south is a perfect conversation topic no matter where they are, beit church, strip club, or Reitz Union food court. Don't get me wrong, I've been in enough similiar conversations, but I was raised with a thing called common courtesy.

While I was trying to predict The Coon's home life and future career goals based on my 10 second observation, some other student told him to keep it down because people were studying. He did turn down his Rap City Idol audition though. But then he gave me this look and smiled at me like I was on his side of the point.

I encourage you to read about the "coon caricature". I think you can find the 2006 version in someone you know very quickly. Don't get me wrong, if it was a white guy with a mullet and a confederate flag shirt singing about that "honky tonk, badonka donk" the effect would be very similiar. Here's a question to leave you with (since year, there's that whole most important final exam thing I have to take care of)

Why is ignorance not looked down upon more in the black community? Why do we as black people get mad when another race points out things that are blatantly obvious to even ourselves? Good thing I'm Jamaican... ;)

Ok I'll get off my soapbox... for now. PS No time for spell check, I'm too ig'nant for that.


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A Reading from the Book of Revelations...

I'll begin tonights sermon with a quote from Saint Benny

"Somewhere in Ann Arbor, a black tuba player in the michigan band is writting a blog entry entitled DIRTY DIRTY GATOR WHORES" -Benny Torres

Yes my people. Armageddon is upon us. Just as I predicted many moons ago, the Gators are going to the national championship game! Repent your sins now! Give up your earthly posessions, bathe in holy water, and thank GOD for he is a Bruin fan! The hand of GOD came down and switched USC's playbook with Ron Zook's. The hand of GOD put Reggie Nelson and Chris Leak in gator uniforms for a reason! Can I Get an AMEN!

My flock, we have entered the land of the Wolves. Big 10 Wolves. Ohh yes, the haters have become large like Goliath, but we, yes we have SEC Championship rocks in our slingshot. We have won the toughest conference in America. Yes, Michigan is in the Big 2/Little 8, and yes they only lost by 3 to Ohio State, but who else have they played? Notre Dame! Notre Dame! What is that, French? I thought we vanquished the French in WWII? Remember freedom fries? Can I get an AMEN!

My children, do not fear, for GOD is my haterblocker! Since the lord came down and cleansed the village whore that is the BCS, I have spent many a night reading on why Florida jumped Michigan in the BCS. So many haters. The voters didn't want a rematch, michigan is being penalized for not having a conference championship, the sky is blue, FSU Sucks, etc. My gentle sheep, the Lord doesn't reward those who sit on their asses and cry! The lord rewards those who get off their asses and cry, which Urban Meyer did, and did well.

Followers of Christ, 50% of the christian earth thinks the BCS got it right. The other 50% think the BCS got it wrong, GOD doesn't exist, and it's ok to marry your sister! Tell these devils to go back to where they came from, Tallahassee! For even the most ignorant Georgia Bulldog and the most in-breed Tennessee Vol are routing for the Gators and the SEC to champion OSU, whose hebrew name translate into "bait used to feed alligators".

I'd like to end with a prayer... Lord, thank you for returning Florida Football to the mountain top. We have suffered for so long. Many have fallen to the tyranny of Ron Zook. But we have survived. We have survived Ron Zook. We have survived Dan Mullen's special olympic play calling. We have survived Kirk Herbstreit Big 10 bias. We have survived. We survived the nation's toughest schedule and we thank you lord. And yes lord, we know you are indeed a Gator Fan, and we are thankful for your love.

AMEN


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Driving Like A Woman!

I thought you'd love my ultra-sexist blog title. I'm just beginning my epic journey of homework till well past sunrise and I thought I should share this bit of fun I had today before the redbull kicks in and I loose all human emotion. Amazing things happened to me today!

Finishing all my homework when I thought I was destined for a zero. That had Hesus written all over it since I need to pass that class to graduate. Forget about recording band music on Florida field. That was cool too though its amazing how many people find joy in running up all gabillion steps from the bottom of the stadium to the top. It is a good workout, but what if you fell! It'd be horrible. And knowing college students, no one would even ask you if you were ok.

God did send me yet another triple coronary today, though for a change it wasn't related to Gator Football. Let me set the stage for you. I'm driving back from storage facility on I-75. It's raining hurricane style all of a sudden (as is becoming more common... thanks global warming!). I'm pushing 80-85 as is the custom on Florida highways. Rain, sleet, or snow, I'm always driving fast. I just have great steering hands I guess. Not today!!

The phone rings and it's my mom. For some reason my sections of my Y-chromosome that handle motor vehicles decides to role play as a recessive gene and let that pesky X chromosome behind the wheel. Halfway into my 1 hand on the phone, 1 hand on the wheel, doing 83 through a hurricane, Black Ice (that's the name of my car if you didn't know) decides that we are infact playing Mario-Kart and freaking Yoshi just dropped a banana infront of me.

I should give myself several pats on the back though. I smoothly told my mom I'll call her back later. My car is trying to decide if it should spin out of control in a counter clockwise or clockwise motion in the middle of a busy highway. My Y-chromasome finally grows some "balls" and figures lefty Lucy would be the best choice and I sorta steer toward the inside emergency lane. But there's nothing like an X-chromosome scorned, added to my still upper 70 mph speeds and we're headed back toward the center of my lane.

Finally Y-chromosome takes a page from Ike Turner and the car is back on the straight and narrow. Oh yeah, and I definitely thought I was gonna have a nice double rollover in the middle of a rain storm on I-75, so kudos to you Y-chromosome! Even though it was still raining, I declined to push it like Jeff Gordon.

My heart can't take to much more excitement... or redbull. Toobad the SEC Championship is on Saturday... Where's my medical alert bracelet?

Gators = Pilgrims, Seminoles = uhm, Indians?

Ah yes, the great american tradition that is thanksgiving weekend is over. The gators beat the noles and the tubas beat the trunpets. Woah, did I just say tradition!

I started my thanksgiving week on wednesday by having a 2nd round interview for a company close to home. A 3 hour interview... It begin with a 100 question survey asking me how much I "strongly agree or strongly disagree" to doing things such as being a leader, getting work done on time, or doing drugs. Followed by another 20 questions of complete the number in the sequence and those dreaded "a train leaves your mom at 5am and gets to who gives F at 7pm etc.." questions. The 2nd and 3rd part of the interview were actually with real people! But by then I was so tired I started answering questions to questions that weren't asked. Hmm yeah. Right before I left I asked how much the starting pay was and it's 7000 less then my other job offer. 7! I could of saved 3 hours! Note to self, find out pay rate first!

I did manage to see Borat that night. Now I know how PB looks naked. Thanks Borat!

Thanksgiving day was well. Far below average. We decided to have thanksgiving with "family" in Orlando. You know, the kind of family you've only met once and that was before you even had a drivers license... Oh and by the way, they're going to start eating with or without you so forget the whole nice great american family scene right before they cut the turkey thing. Oh yeah, did I mention you don't know anyone. Ok good. So lets spend thanksgiving in a room full of strangers watching the cowboys game in the corner of a room by yourself! Then go back to the internet-less hotel with your parents. Norman Rockwell couldn't of painted a better picture.

Friday began with a great family meal at where? WENDY'S! I could of went to wendy's my damn self or stopped at burger king at the turnpike! Add the constant and un-ending graduation talk and you'll soon be ready for insanity induced first degree murder. Thank god I had to go back to gainesville, too bad I had to go back for band practice! And even though I had to wake up at 5:00am, I decided staying up and not going to sleep would be wiser... Fooled you.

Saturday... go look it up on ESPN. I will say this. Last year my hatred for FSU was shrouded in a cloud of ex-girlfriend'ness. We totally destroyed FSU last year and I didn't even care. Thank you rotating schedule for having the game in Tallahassee and reminding me why I wish God would swallow FSU and return it back to the earth from which it came. My typically creative self was prohibited from making x-rated yet truthful chants about FSU in the stands this year, but we still had fun watching them loose again. My 24+ hours awake caught up to me on the ride back, but the tuba bus is not for sleeping so I was way to tired for saturday night shenangans.

Sunday = tuba football domination! Dallas Harvin as I know call myself didn't catch any touchdowns due to well, my neglegence. I did catch a 30 yard bomb and I got an interception. This game proved to me that alot of band people have no athletic ability whatsoever and that they also have no understandig of football at all. Double emphasis on the last note. At least Ron Zook understood that you throw to your best player. Ron Zook. We've beaten all the section in the band with males ( seriously, I know what your thinking, and you are correct!) and all we have left is a game against a drumline. Most of all my calves hadn't spasmed in agony yet! And thats really all that matters.


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Dirty Dirty Trojan Whores!

What a weekend! The Gators beat South Carolina the football game. The Sigmas won the stepshow! Even the Dolphins won! And then in accordance with my Armageddon plan, almost all the other teams in college football I needed to lose, lost! I went to bed saturday night with a smile because the gators would be ranked #3 in the BCS.

Haha... Foooled you!

Damn that school whose nicknamed after a latex product! I still need Notre Dame to beat USC. STILL! Jeeze! Whats going on in the world?

Now the gators... I never had a tripple coronary in the stadium before but damn. Right before that blocked fieldgoal my heart decided to take a shot at DJ scratchin. I'm getting tired of these ESPN Sports Classics. Can't we just whoop teams by a million like we used too... way way way back when.

As far as the step show... It sucks being the technical sigma. You have to put together all the sound and this year, video for the show. I basically learned how to edit video just to create a 90 second intro and a 60 second commerical to use in our step show. The hard part is it seems the most changes are made the night before the damn show.

Video presents the biggest challenge because it has to be rendered and that could take up to 30 minutes to put it on a dvd. Good thing the video files are on a cd and they work.

FOOOLED YOU!

Why am I at the game getting text messages about the video files not working? As if I needed anymore feelings of panic. Top that off with Cingular's lack of service when I really really need it plus South Carolina's upset bid, and my resting beats per minute is stuck on fast foward. I finally got in touch with the bros after half-time and solved the problem. I relaxed just long enough untill that pre-mentioned field goal...

You shoulda seen me after the game trying to get to the step show... or maybe not. Trying to change from my smelly band uniform to a Tag Body Spray enriched outfit while driving around campus after a football game was fun. I had no pants or underwear on for atleast 2 blocks and was just waiting for the bus with Nuns and orphaned children to drive by and catch me.

I wish I had gotten to the show from the start so I could make a complete comparative analysis instead of just listening to what people told me, but we killed it. Like 1st Degree killed it. 4 years in a row! Now I can retire and hopefully the next set of bros can pick up some of these technical skills. Or as Stephen Francis told me later that night " they're never going to let you go, ever!". It does feel like that.

See, I through in some non college football stuff. Happy!



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Dirty Dirty Cardinal Whores

I was planning to write about my weekend last night, but then I went 8 rounds in a rematch with my toilet. I've also come to realize that this blog has become very college football oriented. I pledge to inject some none NCAA'ness back into this blog... just not today.

BTW, I went to Jamaica for the weekend for my cousin's wedding. I finally made it to my destination around 9pm 'ish. All I had on my mind was watching Lousiville beat WV in accordance with my "Get the Gators to Arizona" plan. Much to my dismay, ESPN in jamaica is currently known ESPN Desportes and was showing a tennis match in espanol. I did eventually catch highlights on ESPN 2 which is all english as God intented. My plan is going according to well, plan. Now I need the gators to murder vanderbilt, as God intended...

Haha, fooled you. "Watching" the UF game on cbs sportsline website was fun. Waiting for the little football graphic to update every minute was extra fun. Right after half-time my parents whisked me away to a fun filled day around Kingston ( dang, where is that sarcasm font again...)

Yes we do have DSL in Jamaica, and we even set up a wireless router in my aunts house. With this advancement in technology I was able to see the scores when I got back home. I knew UF was going to win, but you never know with that team so I was releaved to see we won. I was even more releaved to see that LSU beat Tenn throwing me into the thing I wanted most... an SEC title game in my college career!

Sadly I wasn't that excited to hear this news, maybe 'cause I was in Jamaica. Maybe 'cause the other scores I saw were so amazing hilarious I forgot all about the SEC Title game. Miss State beat Alabama? Thats horrible. But I heard the earth opened up in Georgia and swallowed the entire town of Athens when UGA lost to Kentucky... as God inteded. The basketball school beat the football school. Crazy.

But now it's monday and those dirty dirtdy Cardinal whores have jumped us in the BCS! Boulderdash! Who has this team played to be so worthy? U of "R&B Thugs" Miami? West "Keep It In The Family" Virgina? Bah! Bah twice!

Now Pitt or Rutgers is going to take care of business... as God intended.



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Chris Leak Meets John Kerry

My last Georiga game as an undergradute Gator... Not bad, too close for comfort, and "Trick Daddy".... It should be interesting next year going as a "regular person" and getting loose at the Landings afterward. Suddenly I'm like a Bond Villan in the tuba section, causing world-wide distruction and killing small animals at the same time. Apparently I'm one of the bad guys in the section. Oh well... Time to get that weather machine powered by baby's blood started.

Part of my evil plan for the Gators to get to the national championship has occured. USC has lost a game and now the Gators are #4 in the BCS. Now I'm doing a little more thinking ahead. Yes I need Lousiville to beat West Virginia, but then just to be safe, I need Pittsburg to beat Lousiville. And I still need Arkansas to lose to Tenn and LSU so I can have my revenge on Auburn...

In other news... Chris Leak took a page from the John Kerry Handbook and memorized chapter five "Flip-Flopping For Dummies". First he has a concussion and has blurry vision, then he doesn't, then his dad says he did, then he doesn't, etc. The way Leak played, I would of played the "Concussion Card", and it would've made my O-line feel guilty. Cause they suck... But not as bad as bad as the Gator's Kicker whose name we do not speak of. We'd be better then going for 2 from the 50 yd line, seriously!

At the end of the day the constants of the Universe remain the same...

The sky is blue.
PB is fat
And Florida State still sucks...

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